THE INTIMACY OF WRITING
Writing can be a very intimate thing. Let's talk about that moment of hesitation before you publish your work and how to overcome insecurity when faced with letting people read it.
This may be the most challenging thing about writing for me. Writing is a very private, intimate part of my life, believe it or not. I delve into things that I wouldn't necessarily share with the vast majority of people in my work, so putting it out in the open for not only strangers to read, but those who are really close to me whos opinions I value can be a really difficult thing.
For me, writing can be very therapeutic. I write about things that I'm struggling with internally, my characters embody different parts of myself, their problems are often my own problems. My themes and points of conflict are the things that are on my mind. There is definitely a level of intimacy for me that can be very uncomfortable to put out for the world to scrutinize.
There is always that moment just after I've published a book where I panic and think, "What on earth was I thinking?" or "I should have changed x, y, and z." I'll give it to you straight, that never goes away. You are always going to have that moment of insecurity when someone approaches you with a, "Hey, I just finished reading your book."
So, let's talk about how to deal with it.
First, let's talk about what you can do before your book is published.
Beta readers
This is huge. Invest in beta readers, whether they are complete strangers, distant friends and relatives, or someone you've hired. Beta readers are people who will read through your book and give you honest feedback before you publish it. Their input will give you a better handle on where your book falls quality-wise. Is it something that the general public would be interested in, did you lose them at a certain point in your plot, does your ending not sit right with them, etc. That kind of feedback from an unbiased source is monumentally helpful. You can find beta readers online on fiver.com, upwork.com, and writerfulbooks.com to name a few. You can also join Facebook groups for writers online and trade work with other people to gain beta readers for your books.
Get a content editor
There are lots of different types of editors, but one that often goes overlooked and underappreciated are editors that focus on the content of your story. They look for popular tropes you could incorporate in your story, plot holes, underdeveloped characters, and the overall structure and flow of your plot. These editors can be super helpful in catching small-detail things you may have missed, or helping with big-picture stuff that can be hard for new writers to fix. They can sit down and really churn through your plot with you to correct and improve your overall storyline. Beta readers may know something is wrong, but this type of editor can pinpoint why it feels off and how to best fix it.
Get your book professionally reviewed
Finally, before you publish your book, you should get it reviewed. Fair warning, if you are a freelance writer on a budget, this can be expensive. Having a professional read through your book and review it can help your book sell and gives you a better sense of comfort surrounding your work since it passed the inspection of a professional. This should be your last step, though. Make sure your book is the best you can make it before you pay to have a service like this done, because you are only paying for a review, not necessarily a good one.
Give yourself a healthy deadline for publication
Now, I'm not saying to publish your book before you feel good about it. What I am telling you is that the longer you hold onto your book, the more time you have to grow insecure about it. At some point, you have to accept that this is the best it is going to be and rip the band aid off. Of course, if you wrote it five years in the future, it would be a very different book. Maybe even a better book. But you aren't five years in the future, and that's okay. Do you really want to hold onto it forever?
Now let's talk about how to deal with insecurity after your book is published.
Distance yourself from your book
Sometimes it feels like because those are your words, thoughts, and emotions on those pages, the book is a part of who you are. You've intertwined it with your identity. And that can be tricky to untangle. But a piece of advice? Remember that most people aren't going to see you on it's pages. You might, but they don't know which thoughts are really yours and which are just plotlines. People don't understand the intimacy of writing, and therefore often overlook it. They'll only see it as a cool and impressive thing you've done. Maybe, at most, as a creative outlet. Once you are able to learn to see it that way too, as a business, as a hobby, whatever you've decided it is, let it stay there. While you are writing, sure, put as much of yourself into that book as you can. Love it, identify with it, let it be emotional and sacred and beautiful. But once it is published, let it go.
Don't spend too much time worrying about your critics
A rule to live by? If they haven't written a book, who are they to make you feel bad about yours? And I don't mean this in a conceited way at all. Do you value your readers opinions? Absolutely. But are you going to let someone who has never even tried tell you that your finished product isn't good enough? No. Just the fact that you've written a book, means that you've put in more work and passion than most people have ever attempted to. And dealing with critics and overcoming insecurity only puts you in higher regard in my mind. Not everyone is going to like your book, not everyone is going to like your genre, not everyone is going to like your writing style. What is important is that you do. There are people like you out there who are going to love your work, you just have to find them.
Have a support system
Whether it is your fanbase, your family, your significant other, or your publishing and marketing team, surround yourself with people who support you. Spend time whether online or in person with people who are passionate not only about writing, but about you. Everyone needs reassurance and support, and having a network for that really helps in moments of insecurity or uncertainty.
Yes, writing can be scary. It is vulnerable and intimate and everything else you would expect it to be. But that's kind of the fun of it. Taking the risk only to hear people gush about or cry over your work is such a rush. It makes all the insecurity and harsh feedback worth it. It is totally okay and normal to feel protective over your work. After all, if you weren't ever emotionally invested in it, your readers wouldn't be either. Get comfortable being uncomfortable, because in the end, it pays off.
